The inner critic creates doubt and shame. Are you fed up with listening to its harsh and hurtful words? Do you want to finally break free so you can embrace a healthier and happier mindset?  

It’s important to remember that everyone has an inner critic. Saying that, there are some who say they have no inner monologue–which still shocks me because I have an internal running commentary that no library could hold. How about you? 

I’ll admit, for many years, negative self-talk held me back in life. I didn’t speak up. I didn’t challenge myself. Despite its firm grip, I have learnt to overcome my inner critic and do more of what I love and be more like the person I want to be. Are you looking to do the same? 

Allow me to explain why we have an inner critic and what you can do to effectively quiet it. It’s never too late to show it the door and welcome an abundance of positivity to your mindset and life. 

What is the inner critic? 

Some inner critics are cruller than others. Some are more persistent. Essentially, our inner critic tends to be a little bully inside our mind. 

Do any of these inner critic examples ring true to you? 

Inner critic examples

• “You can’t do it”
• “Why did you say that?”
• “They don’t like you”
• “Why are you acting so strange?”
• “Stop that!”
• “(Insert any demeaning term)”

Yep, our inner critic can be mean. It fluctuates depending on our mood and the environment we are in. It speaks in first or second person i.e “I” or “you” (or both). 

Here’s an example of how the inner critic plays:

Sarah is meeting a new group of friends. She has 3 outfit choices. She tells herself that she looks bad in all of them, which makes her feel subpar.

Sarah isn’t the most outspoken person, so she ran through all the ways she wouldn’t be able to keep up or engage in conversation. She assumed her inability to connect with others. 

So, when she arrives to meet them, she rarely utters a word. She holds back. She keeps her gaze low. Her hands clasped in front of her stomach as a type of defence mechanism.

Sarah allows her inner critic to take the lead and forgets her many positive qualities. She forgets that others may also be quiet, and that’s ok, not everyone is highly confident and assertive. 

Also, people wouldn’t mind what she wore, just that she was there. She was worthy. They didn’t expect her to be anything but herself.

And that’s essentially how the inner critic plays. It forms limited perceptions of oneself which leads to minimising one’s true colours and character.

Do you know why we have an inner critic? It has to serve a purpose, right? Or maybe not… 

Psychologists and scientists still can’t pinpoint an exact purpose for the inner critic. However, what we do know is that the inner critic acts as a coping mechanism. It’s a part of our subconscious that gives us a sense of control by trying very hard to trigger us to avoid, steer clear of anxiety and stay safe. 

Those who are more genetically predisposed to anxiety, or are highly considerate by nature, tend to have a more persistent inner critic. For example, highly sensitive persons, empaths, and those with anxiety disorders. Their fear, worry and self-blame levels are naturally higher than others and they therefore succumb to its messages more often. 

Inner criticism and negative self-talk are the opposite of motivation. They promote avoidance when, sometimes in life, we have to put ourselves out there and expand our comfort zones to foster personal growth and achieve our goals. 

That’s why it is crucial to counter the inner critic that holds us back in life and makes us doubt our potential. Only when our inner critic is a caring, discerning guide does it become productive and helps us to recognise where we’re going wrong and how to set things right. 

Let’s first explore what fuels the inner critic 

Apart from genetics and personality traits, the inner critic develops from two main causes.  

Childhood experiences

For many individuals, their inner critic can trace its origins back to a challenging upbringing. For example, when parents, teachers or other authority figures give negative or critical feedback in early life, children can foster a mindset of self-doubt and self-judgement. 

This reminds me of a key aspect of healthy parenting, which this dynamic lacks. Parents should give an equal amount of critique and positive praise. For example, if a parent frequently voices what their child is doing wrong, they should tell their child what they’re doing right just as often. This fosters healthy levels of confidence and self-worth.

If a child learns they can’t do anything right, they’ll take this belief into adulthood which leads to patterns of negative self-talk. They may internalise negative messages and beliefs about themselves, such as “I’m not capable” or even, “’I’m not a nice person’” or “I’m stupid”.

Children can also develop a negative inner dialogue by observing or hearing others engage in self-criticism. It’s not uncommon to repeat negative lines picked up from others in one’s head.

Ahh… they say everyone has emotional baggage and apparently many have been carrying it since childhood. But fear not, the inner critic can be tamed and we’ll get into exactly how after we explore one more key cause. 

Cultural and societal pressures

In a world where the media is easily accessible and persistent, it’s easy to understand why its messages have a powerful influence on our internal world. 

Subliminal messages may also play their part in how we internalise media messages (but that’s a topic for another day–sorry conspiracists!)

Mainly, the media’s ideals of beauty and success influence us to compare ourselves to others. It becomes second nature. Can you relate? This can lead to a feeling of inadequacy. The pressure to meet standards set by society can trigger the inner critic.

The truth is, we all have a unique mix of personal attributes and skills. A tight knit set of standards just doesn’t work for everyone. These expectations are often unattainable depending on culture and access to opportunities. 

Perfectionism can also play its part. When someone sets extremely high standards for themselves, the inner critic points out when they’re falling short and constantly judges and belittles their efforts (not cool). 

It is important to note that the causes of an inner critic can be complex and multifaceted, with both internal and external factors interacting. It ultimately aims to prevent failure, rejection, or disappointment. Quite ironically so, because its words are just as successful at preventing us from fulfilling goals, developing skills and forming healthy relationships. 

As young children, when our needs get frustrated, our Inner Critic insists it must be our FAULT. Our Inner Critic acts like a one-trick pony. It only knows how to blame, shame or criticize the self. We maintain a myth that the Inner Critic holds our best interests at heart; 

– Jane Shure, PhD, LCSW

At the end of the day, excessive self-criticism and negative self-talk can be detrimental to one’s well-being and self-esteem. Addressing and challenging the inner critic can be a tedious task, but the results transform our wellbeing and life direction in many positive ways!

Quieting Your Inner Critic: A Step-by-Step Guide to a Healthier Mindset 

1. Be mindful of your inner critic 

Many of us are not aware of our inner critic’s presence. No surprise considering it’s a part of our subconscious, like many thought patterns, until we actively observe them. 

Thus, the first step is to be mindful and aware of its presence and words. 

As you start to observe it, you naturally begin questioning if its words align with your genuine feelings about yourself and your abilities.

Meditation, particularly mindfulness, promotes active awareness and recognition of our thoughts and is therefore a valuable practice for developing awareness of our inner critic.

How to mindfully notice your inner critic

Practice actively noticing when you start to think negatively about your character or capabilities. This often happens in low, anxious or stressed moments. Question a thought that pops into your mind by asking:

• Is this true? 
• Is this kind? 
• Is this how I’d speak to others?

If you answered “no” to all of these questions, chances are you’ve pinpointed one of your inner critic’s lines. 

Now, try to identify the inner critic’s most frequent lines. It may take a week, a month or more to actively notice them. This will help you build greater awareness of its go-to lines which hold the biggest influence over your mindset, mood, composure and confidence. 

2. Flip the inner critics’ script 

Now that you’re more aware of your inner critic, the next time it speaks up, practice countering its words with kind truths. 

Kind truths can be the opposite of what your inner critic is saying or simply “that isn’t true”. But mainly, kinds truths are as they sound—your real beliefs.

The more you question its words, the more you remind your psyche of your true, positive qualities and nature. 

The inner realist and inner optimist are its kryptonite because they are positive, enouraging and truthful internal voices.

As the saying goes, “the truth will always come to the surface”, and the same can be said for your self-talk. If you’re willing to put in the effort to add more positivity and compassion to your mindset, a more peaceful and truthful internal script will eventually take the lead. 

3. Rewrite your self-beliefs

To level-up the quieting of your inner critic and the transformation of your mindset, it’s important to unpack some self-beliefs the inner critic plays a part in forming. This will help you reduce the inner critics’ negative fuel and influence.

If you had to name a few of your main qualities, what would they be?

Many jump to negative qualities that tend to be too little or too much of something. For example:

• Too chatty or too quiet 
• Too slim or too overweight
• Too lazy or too active

Now, think of your main positive qualities. For example:

• I am kind
• I am considerate
• I am empathic
• I am honest 
• I am courageous
• I am confident
• I am loving

The more you lean into and remind yourself of your positive qualities, the harder it is for your inner critic to make you believe otherwise.

Thus, when it tells you that you can’t do something or are too little or too much of a certain attribute, your positive inner voice will have an easier time jumping in and karate kicking the negative self-talk out of your mind. 

Affirmations are great way to remember your positive qualities and potential. I post weekly affirmations on my socials if you’re interested. Links at the end of this blog!

4. Live out your potential 

It’s one thing to believe something about yourself and it’s another to embody that quality.

So, to power up the effects of countering your inner critic with your positive truths and qualities, actually become that person. This is the most vital and challenging step of all (you don’t say!). 

In life, there will be challenges and situations that make us anxious and doubt our capabilities. There is no escaping the inner critic entirely. But minimising its voice and effects will be a substantial success for your mental wellbeing and life course. 

We can learn to embrace challenges despite our doubts to grow in confidence and courage. That’s when you really start to quiet your inner critic. Because, there’s no denying your potential when you start living your potential.

Are you working on any goals right now? Read my previous blog, 8 Steps to Develop a Growth Mindset to Smash Goals”.

So, say goodbye to the relentless voice of your inner critic. Break free from the chains of doubt and shame that have held you back for far too long. 

Embrace the power of mindfulness, flip the script on your negative self-talk, and rewrite your self-beliefs with kindness and positivity. 

Challenge the beliefs of your inner critic and step into the person you were always meant to be. 

Remember, taming your inner critic is not an overnight process, but with dedication and self-compassion, you can quiet its voice and create a healthier and happier mindset. 

Embrace the journey of self-discovery and watch as your inner critic fades into the background, allowing your true colours to shine through. 

The time for transformation is now. Are you ready to silence your inner critic and embrace a life filled with self-acceptance and peace? Remember the steps above and subscribe to my newsletter down below for more advice and inspiration on personal growth and developing a healthier mindset.

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